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It’s Cool If I Encourage This Emotional Affair, Right?

Keeping a relationship secret is one of the best, most exciting decisions two people can make together.Miss Information, Nerve.com, January 13, 2012:

I know I want to continue chatting to him, but I worry that it’s wrong on several levels: 1. He has a girlfriend, and I’m pretty sure she’d be upset by our correspondence. 2. I’m not in a relationship and I could easily develop feelings for him. 3. I’m not sure it’s entirely possible to have a friendship with someone who you’ve expressed sexual desire towards, who’s expressed the same towards you. All that said, I really enjoy talking to him and he says the same about me. If we make the effort to keep things more platonic what’s the harm?  - Flirty Friend

Dear Flirty Friend,

Congratulations on finding such a stand-up guy! You’re right to want to continue chatting with an attached man who is keeping you secret from his girlfriend, under the guise of a “platonic” relationship that revolves around you telling each other your deepest, darkest secrets and reminiscing about that time you had sex and speculating about the sex you maybe could be having. 

Strong friendships are built on a web of secrecy and lies wherein both parties are constantly pretending to be tortured, star-cross’d lovers perpetually wronged by a woman who has no idea what they’re up to and probably wouldn’t like it if she did. By all means, keep in touch with your friend—his current girlfriend will appreciate it all the more when, eventually, she finds out his heart is big enough for two.

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