Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.
The Bad Advisor is so, so sorry that this is happening to you, Anon.
1. Call RAINN (1-800-656-4673), or use their online hotline to talk to someone who can help you parse what happened to you, and what your next steps might be in terms of finding a counselor where you live.
2. Start thinking of terms like “ex-best friend” and “ex-boyfriend,” and consider using them. This person who is lying about you to literally anyone on the planet, up to and including her parents, is not a friend of any kind and certainly not the “best.” And there are boyfriends on planet earth who do not rape their girlfriends; you do not need to stay in a relationship with the guy who raped you. You deserve to be in a mutually fulfilling relationship with someone who treats you, and your wants and desires or un-wants and un-desires, with the utmost respect. Sometimes people keep dating/seeing people who have sexually assaulted and/or raped them because they think that will erase the sexual assault or the rape. That is not a productive plan. Read this comic.
3. Work on seeing yourself as someone who has intrinsic value, and whose value is not determined by other people—or other people’s parents. This is hard, and for most of us it is a lifelong journey. You are not the sum total of what other people think of you. You are valuable because you are you. This will probably take work with a good therapist. Are you in school right now? Can you go talk to a counselor there? Do that.
4. Try to identify some people in your life—some new people, who aren’t massive jerkwads who call their friends “sluts”—who can be on Team You. What is Team You? It’s a group of people who can offer you support and love without holding their affection or aide hostage. You can learn more about building a “Team You” over here at Captain Awkward - read her advice on building a Team You - it might sound like the person she’s advising there is in a totally different situation than you are, but the fundamentals are the same.
Hugs to you, Anon. Many, many Bad Advisor hugs.